Leaving a coercive and controlling relationship is a courageous step, but the journey to healing doesn’t end there. Many survivors find that even after they are physically free, they continue to struggle emotionally—especially when it comes to trusting others again. If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone, and that healing is possible.

What Is a Coercive and Controlling Relationship?

A coercive and controlling relationship is one where one person systematically isolates, manipulates, and dominates their partner, often making them feel powerless. This type of abuse doesn’t always involve physical violence, but the psychological and emotional harm can be just as damaging.

Signs of Coercive Control to Look Out For:

•   Isolation – Cutting you off from friends, family, or work to make you dependent on them.
•   Monitoring and Surveillance – Checking your phone, emails, or whereabouts constantly.
•   Financial Control – Restricting your access to money or making you account for every penny spent.
•   Gaslighting – Making you doubt your own reality or memory, leaving you confused.
•   Threats and Intimidation – Using fear to control you, even without physical violence.
•   Rules and Punishments – Controlling aspects of your life, such as what you wear, eat, or who you see.
•   Blame and Guilt – Making you feel responsible for their actions or emotions.

If any of this sounds familiar, know that what you experienced was abuse—and you deserve freedom and support.

UK Law on Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

In the UK, coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship became a criminal offence under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. This law recognises that abuse isn’t always physical and can involve patterns of behaviour that cause psychological harm. For the behaviour to be considered a crime, it must:

•   Be repeated or continuous (not just a one-time incident).
•   Have a serious impact on the victim (e.g., causing fear, distress, or significant harm).
•   Be committed by someone the victim is in a relationship with or living with.

Perpetrators can face up to five years in prison, a fine, or both. If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, support is available. Organisations like Refuge, Women's Aid, and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) can help.

The Emotional Impact of Coercive Control

A controlling relationship can leave deep emotional scars. You might find yourself:

•   Questioning Your Own Judgment – Wondering how you ended up in that situation and whether you can trust yourself to make healthy choices in the future.
•   Feeling Anxious or On Edge – Your nervous system may still be in "survival mode," making it hard to relax or feel safe.
•   Struggling with Self-Doubt – The manipulation you endured might have left you feeling unworthy or uncertain about your instincts.
•   Fearing New Relationships – Whether friendships or romantic connections, you might be hesitant to open up again, worried about being hurt.

These feelings are completely valid. Healing from coercive control is not just about moving on—it’s about rebuilding your sense of self and learning to trust both yourself and others again.

How to Begin Trusting Again

Learning to trust again takes time, and it’s okay to move at your own pace. Here are some ways to start:

1. Rebuild Trust in Yourself: Your instincts and judgment were likely manipulated in your past relationship. Start by making small decisions for yourself—whether it’s choosing what to eat or setting a personal goal—and notice how capable you are.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries: In a controlling relationship, your boundaries were often ignored. Now, you have the power to define what feels safe for you. Learning to say no and prioritising your well-being is a key part of healing.

3. Surround Yourself with Safe People: Not everyone will understand what you’ve been through, and that’s okay. Focus on building connections with people who respect your space, listen without judgment, and support you without pressure.

4. Take Relationships Slowly: Whether it’s a friendship, family connection, or a romantic relationship, it’s okay to take things at a pace that feels right for you. Pay attention to how people respond to your boundaries—genuine, caring individuals will respect them.

5. Seek Support: You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or working with a counsellor, finding a safe space to process your emotions can make a huge difference.

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling offers a safe, supportive space where you can:

•   Process What Happened – Understanding how coercive control affected you can help you reclaim your sense of self.
•   Validate Your Feelings – You may have been made to doubt your own experiences, but a counsellor can help affirm what you went through.
•   Learn Coping Strategies – Managing anxiety, fear, and self-doubt is easier when you have the right tools.
•   Rebuild Confidence – Exploring your strengths, values, and goals can help you regain trust in yourself.
•   Navigate New Relationships – Understanding what healthy relationships look like can help you feel safer and more in control.

You Deserve to Feel Safe and Free

Healing from a coercive relationship takes time, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, Talk With Laura offers a compassionate space where you can explore your experiences and start rebuilding trust—both in yourself and others. 💙 You are worthy of safe, supportive relationships.

Laura, Talk With Laura ❤️